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February 20, 2015 | Theatre,

Top 5 Parking Space Savers That Remind Us of Tristan & Yseult

Friends, it’s no secret we’re all losing our minds here in Boston due to record snow fall, public transportation shut-downs, and neighbors who protect their dug out parking spots with bizarre totems and aggressively written notes. It’s literally all we can think about. So, why fight that? This morning it occurred to me that if I could just make it until Tristan & Yseult starts on March 5th, I might just be ok. In an effort to combine this present difficulty and a future hopeful event, we hereby present….


The Top 5 Boston Parking Space Savers That Remind Us of Tristan & Yseult


5. The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be



Look at this weird cactus sculpture. LOOK AT IT. Somewhere in Southie it’s preserving someone’s well earned parking spot. But it reminds me of the way hearts can grow cold and prickly. Sometimes you need something to loosen up. In Tristan & Yseult, a couple falls in love after ingesting a love potion. Now, some might call that an invalid example of a trueway to fall in love, but I ask you, sir or madame, if you’ve ever had a cocktail on a first date? Also, please do not park in my spot.


4. The Vague Foreshadowing of Violence.



I’d argue that the only reason the final paragraph is worded in such a obtuse way is so that this note couldn’t be later used in a court of law as intent to injure. Really? You need to reference your military background? Just so that there’s a place for your Saab right near your condo? Ok buddy, no judgement here. In the classic Irish legend that Tristan & Yseult is based upon, Tristan’s Uncle Mark is pretty darn pissed when he realizes what’s happened to his potential lover. He then proceeds to behave a lot like this note, frankly. Also, I shoveled for hours. Please don’t park here.


3. The King Declares It!



As mentioned in the #4, the original Celtic legend of Tristan and Iseult is set into motion when, after defeating the Irish knight Morholt, Tristan goes to Ireland to bring back the fair Iseult for his uncle King Mark to marry. I don’t know about you, but it really seems like King Mark could’ve benefited from OkCupid or Tinder or something. Elvis Presley was The King, too, and he didn’t need nephews OR dating websites to find a lover, he just shook his hips and sang. He may be deceased, but gosh darnit, Elvis still makes a great parking space saver in Allston/Brighton in a pinch.



2. Attempting to Clean Up Your Mess.



When things break bad, like they do in Tristan & Yseult, the first instinct is to clean up the mess and make everything right. When that fails, the only option is a forward escape, to run right up the center of the madness. This parking-spot-preserver knows what this is like. This vacuum placed on a snowy street corner works on multiple levels: it’s saving his/her parking spot AND it’s symbolizing the wish for clean, dry environs again. We’re right there with you, friend. Meanwhile, I’m fixing on getting lost inside the sexy, dizzying adaption of this classic tale by the wildly inventive UK theatre company Kneehigh next month. I can almost see it on the horizon!



1. Love Makes You Crazy



Check out this crazy contraption. Guess what insane person made it? Me, I did. I made it on Valentine’s Day (coincidence??) not to save my parking space, but rather to see if I could make something outrageous and get folks online to believe it was real. Why did I do that? Probably a lot of reasons, but right up there is that I enjoy making my girlfriend laugh. And laugh she did: check out how angry this thing made people who thought it was real — The point is, we do craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy things for love. No story knows that better than Tristan & Yseult. Seriously, this is one for the ages, and thisproduction blows it up into crazy, magical proportions. Hopefully we won’t need space savers by the time it starts in March, but if the snow is still this bad, just throw something weird in your empty spot and meet us in downtown Boston for Tristan & Yseult!

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